Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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