he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
