Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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