you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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