I heard we made out
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
