I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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