It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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