Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
