We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
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