i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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