I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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