Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
