Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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