her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
