There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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