Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
