I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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