i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
