matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
