Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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