Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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