You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
