dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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