my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
