Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
