its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
