I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
