he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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