I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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