Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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