we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
