Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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