I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
