wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
