I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
