My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
