I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
