I'm so fucking centered right now
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
