Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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