I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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