I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
