he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
