Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
