I think I died a long time ago.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
