im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
