Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
