I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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