Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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