hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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