You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
