I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
