I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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