we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
