Need sex. Gaining weight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
