Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
