I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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