people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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