And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
