So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
