you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
