thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
