i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize