she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We have started to decorate penises.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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