thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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