the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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