Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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