dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You ruined the universe
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize