Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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