i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
