Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize