She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
