i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
